Waiting

My hair looked good today

I shaved. I do that once a year now

Maybe even less

I never liked it. It makes red bumps

It burns

It hurts

For what

I always do it for you to notice

My dentist told me to whiten my teeth

They are nice teeth, she says

That didn’t make sense

I thought teeth didn’t like the bleach

But you probably do

It hides the things that stain a life

I try to hide the years by looking too long in the mirror

I can’t hide the wrinkles

I don’t really try

I tug at my face

I was pretty once

You weren’t there

I should probably wear more sunscreen

I flex my jaw to hide the skin that hangs too low from my chin

Bunching

I pinch it hoping it will go away

I must have slept last night

The darkness hasn’t infested

My eyes look nice

Today

.

I tried to call you

I sent a text

I said something like

Meet me at the lake

You said maybe

You taught me that means no

I still check and check. Make sure I’m not on silent

The water likes to wave

I wait

.

The clock passes time but I don’t

My thoughts are still the same

I don’t change

I still age

I made sure I looked good for you

You weren’t there

.

I tried to call you

I didn’t text

I wanted to say. You missed it!

It was so beautiful today

I missed it too

I would have traded

The sun the wind the trees bristling

The waves lapping on the sand

.

I fell asleep. You were there

We were in the same place in that day

.

My skin sunbaked

A storm came

My eyes crept up to puffy clouds

Pain

Something messed up my hair

.

I decided to stop waiting for you. I began waiting for myself

I stood on a rock

I was alone

The storm must have shooed away the people

The wind said rain

I stayed

I was waiting for myself

.

I hope it helps

.

I didn’t try to call you

I’ll have to wait another year

By then maybe I’ll forget

Believe I look good again