This is amazing. As writers, we should all sometimes just let it out without controlling it. What comes out is art, no two ways about it. I have experienced this overproduction/gorgeous flow/fear of insanity you are talking about. A couple of months after joining substack, I realised I was living 90% of my day inside my writing, inside my head. One day, I had a bit of a weird episode, where I felt like everything sped up - possibly undiagnosed ADHD? I was jumping madly from one activity to the next (work email, read a page of that book, jot down idea, pick up phone, look out window, where am I?, back to work text). This ended with a panic attack. Then I talked about it in therapy and they were like, woh woh partner, maybe lay off the writing? That fucking stung. Because I was feeling so connected to the creative flow inside, more than ever in my life. I was sad that I had to reign it in, for my mental health. But after a few days, I saw they were right... nothing is as important as not losing my mind. If I lose my mind, there will be no writing, no relationship, no job, no take care of my kid, nothing. So I took a step back. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I think I see a kindred spirit. Anyway, the most important thing: this piece of writing is amazing.
Thank you. I too had that panic attack, then I wrote about it, and continued writing. I still wonder if I write too much, but I don’t want to waste it. I’ve wasted gifts for too long. I think I’m strong enough to manage them, but some days I am not. I know that if I don’t continue I’ll regret letting the words slip through my fingers, not using them to make a better life. It feels like a sacrifice for something I know I want. Maybe I’m just impatient. Balance had never been a strength of mine, so maybe I’m practicing that now. I trust that the right stuff is coming out even when it changes how people see me. It’s not easy. I knew it wouldn’t be. I hope I am not sacrificing life for letters in my head. We’ll just have to wait and see.
This is amazing. As writers, we should all sometimes just let it out without controlling it. What comes out is art, no two ways about it. I have experienced this overproduction/gorgeous flow/fear of insanity you are talking about. A couple of months after joining substack, I realised I was living 90% of my day inside my writing, inside my head. One day, I had a bit of a weird episode, where I felt like everything sped up - possibly undiagnosed ADHD? I was jumping madly from one activity to the next (work email, read a page of that book, jot down idea, pick up phone, look out window, where am I?, back to work text). This ended with a panic attack. Then I talked about it in therapy and they were like, woh woh partner, maybe lay off the writing? That fucking stung. Because I was feeling so connected to the creative flow inside, more than ever in my life. I was sad that I had to reign it in, for my mental health. But after a few days, I saw they were right... nothing is as important as not losing my mind. If I lose my mind, there will be no writing, no relationship, no job, no take care of my kid, nothing. So I took a step back. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I think I see a kindred spirit. Anyway, the most important thing: this piece of writing is amazing.
Thank you. I too had that panic attack, then I wrote about it, and continued writing. I still wonder if I write too much, but I don’t want to waste it. I’ve wasted gifts for too long. I think I’m strong enough to manage them, but some days I am not. I know that if I don’t continue I’ll regret letting the words slip through my fingers, not using them to make a better life. It feels like a sacrifice for something I know I want. Maybe I’m just impatient. Balance had never been a strength of mine, so maybe I’m practicing that now. I trust that the right stuff is coming out even when it changes how people see me. It’s not easy. I knew it wouldn’t be. I hope I am not sacrificing life for letters in my head. We’ll just have to wait and see.
In letters I cannot send