Inter-dimensional story weaving

How failing to intertwine decision making in all its forms morphs into a way of living that isn't so heavy

There is such thing as a perfect day: when everything flows and aligns in a way that was partially planned and mostly improvise—structured in theory but gracefully danced through—where actions feel effortless and decisions aren’t forced, when you wake into an understanding of what to do, who you are, and how to make everything fit together. These are the days when details hardly matter and people seem to know exactly how to be with each other. There’s no grinding, no hate, no betrayal, no need to fight. The city bustles on, the clouds come and go, and we are just there watching it all unfold.

Then… there’s most days.

Unfortunately I spend a lot of time thinking about my past. I justify the compulsion by telling myself I'm learning when really I'm just beating myself up for making the wrong decision; often immensely and blatantly the wrong decision—the kind that didn't even need hindsight to see how horrific the choice was. Actually, it's worse than that. With all of these errors I am then faced with more to make, holding a memory which inspires hesitancy, spiraling into even worse decisions. If evidence was my only means to predict how badly things will go, it's clear that most of the time I'm gonna choose wrong. Now... maybe you're thinking: hmmm… sounds like Lee is being overly hard on himself. I have that problem too, but let me tell you a story.

I have these specific socks for going snowboarding. They are that special synthetic wool, light and warm—the expensive kind. Being that they need to fit tight, the socks are thin and made specifically to fit the shape of a foot. In fact they are so specific that they are shaped to fit a left foot and a right foot distinctly (silly, I know). I wouldn't have bought these socks if I knew that, not because I think it's stupid but because I know me, and I know I'm gonna put them on the wrong foot. Probability would say that I would only do that 50% of the time, maybe 60% at most, since I don't wear the socks often (sample size too small). Knowing all this I made it a point to pay attention to the results of this "insignificant" experiment. I'm also the kind of guy who doesn't check before he does this kind of stuff because, well, putting on socks. No big deal, right? I have put those socks on more than 50 times, I have only guessed correctly once. How do I know: because it happened wrong so many times that I couldn't ignore that I ALWAYS put the wrong sock on.

That's a tiny example with tiny repercussions, but what if there was such thing as luck in this world? What if you could make the better decision more than 50% of the time? Knowing myself, all I would have to do is the opposite of what I thought I should do; not a bad plan actually. Yet even that is self defeating. It's sorta like, "Ooo I would love to go to the beach, oh shit opposite of that is not go, what do I do now?" You'd end up doing nothing; also sounding like a pretty good plan. I guess what would really happen is you'd do everything you don't want to do. This is starting to sound productive. I don't want to do the dishes, clean my space, go to the gym, finish that work project; man... the list goes on. But what would happen if I do them anyways? I'd eat a lot more salads and far less brownies. Shit... is this the secret to a well lived life?

I wish it were this simple. I take that back, maybe I don't. Using that plan I would never live the life I want to live because I don't want to blindly follow social norms and I don't want to light myself on fire. I also don't want to kill people. There's more, but you get the point.

This is why each individual has value systems. There are hierarchies and rules in place not to restrict you, but to simplify decisions. Otherwise, ambiguity would lead to prolonged hesitation and eventually widespread inaction. That's no way to live either.

So what is there to be done about Lee's poor decision making? This affects you too, I promise.

The things that most people use: asking for advice, doing research, considering the consequences, weighing the pros and cons, making a plan, etc. These are analytical approaches when in reality, most of our decisions are made emotionally and not until after do we analyze what happened (for me usually too much). The act of decision making is shorter than a second. When immediate decisions are necessary we either use instinct or intuition to respond, or in our worst moments react uncontrollably. The logical mind doesn't have time to tell us what to do. My worst moments are when I've planned so heavily in the mind what I will say or do, but the situation takes an unpredictable turn. Duh... should have expected that. It's far more probable that a situation happens in an unexpected way, since those are near infinite and my ability to plan matches most 4th graders. Rehearsal has its place in the organized world, but in my worlds—the lands of chaos where demons lurk and failure reigns supreme—a fancy tie and crafty resume don't do the trick.

With unbounded choice, neuroticism is inevitable, and you will always feel like a failure. Again, no way to live. The opposite would be to not consider any of your actions and to apply some sort of meant to be principle to everything. That's the quickest method to self justified hubris and excessive selfishness (aka the folly of man). Sounds nice, but we still have a mind, and it doesn't rest at incomplete arguments.

Does the mind rest at all? Hmmm....

If there are different dimensions, many of them live in my mind. There are lengthy storylines that play out, often in dreams, but sometimes shorter during waking hours of events I consider "should" have gone differently. How could we not? If we are to optimize a life, these potentialities cannot be ignored. Learning is by nature critical and self assessing—always developing a more refined approach to action. It has gone too far in many of us, hijacking our presence with perpetual thought tinkering. The different lives play out in my imagination, romanticized for the possibility that they are better than what was received.

How are we to know? Having incalculable variability in all events, relying on nearly 8 billion decision makers in every instance, adding more complexity with each flutter of a butterfly.

Should a past be escaped, embraced, or shall we make all attempts towards retribution? In all, we are still focused on things we cannot change. How are these things to be used most effectively to produce a better future? Hopefully one we don't feed with anxiety thinking about it.

In cessation of thought there is peace, left thoughtless we lack desire to transform.

A man of infinite wisdom would have no reason to interact, no reason to live in our world. He would know all, understand everything, not need speech or sense or emotion. Someone who does not read is as illiterate as one who cannot. A person who does not need is a corpse to the world, ready for recycling. At best they would be the example of an ideal, evidence of the fallacy of pure impossibility. Outside of that they would be nothing, invisible, lacking any impact at all. What is the use of god-like ability without a friend to share it with?

In a way, souls come to Earth to test impossibility: to ask of paradoxes and answer in action. Training that action is our only method of impact. Adjusting our behavior, it seems, is the great task of humanity. More than anything, behavior will dictate our next action. We are mostly predictable with spurts of novelty and creativity.

What are the methods to train intuition, inspiration, and instinct?

The proliferation of science and intellect holds logical reasoning as our prime modality for decision making. Academics scoff at practitioners. Research laughs at simple methodologies and denies the importance of divergent learning. But could there be something hidden in our ignorance?

Fast twitch activities

Exercise activities like games and sports teach the mind and body to respond to the external world in unison. Much of our coordination has become lost in quick-fix gamification on the internet. When the in-person elements are eliminated, much of our worldly alignment is lost between signals. Not everyone has access to downhill skiing or the skill to skateboard, but most of us can kick a ball or throw a frisbee. We live in animal bodies, might as well have fun with them.

Response training

Physical exertion isn't always available, but activity done in person is always more comprehensive. Even card games have increased value when played with each other. Not just in connecting with a live human, but in the dynamism of social cues, the pressure of other players, and the availability of a someone to teach subtle new approaches to an activity.

The savant: an imbalanced approach

Instead of forcing themselves upon a difficulty, the savant stumbles into talent in one area because of the intensity of a debilitation in others. Their imbalance is their strength. We aren't all given cross-disciplinary ability. Leverage talents and temper failure with an understanding that some things we just aren't made for.

The jack of all failure

The original phrase: “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” Who keeps forgetting that second part? Mastery is a common aim in our increasingly specialized world. When approached with the attitude that failure is likely in areas we haven't mastered (most everything for me), a levity can be placed in our blundering. We don't fully understand how some activities cross pollinate until we look back on our entire history, when often we realize that the entirety of our experience shaped our most cherished traits.

Pattern recognition

We look back to match patterns: what combination created the feeling that I don't like, or do like? What did I miss? Where should I have placed that puzzle piece? Was the order wrong, the approach, or the delivery? What did I do right? It is important to remember that we are searching for trends and making adjustments for growth. Single events can feel catastrophic but often they are outliers on our projected future.

Weaving our universe

Without an intensity of trust in the interconnectivity of events, every decision we make would take on the weight of the world and everyone in it. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not as strong as Atlas. Do you even want that responsibility? Sheesh. Experience is as comprehensive as we make it. Every moment holds an opportunity to enjoy it for what it is, every memory a chance to improve our future. All desire points towards our next lesson. Fear signals what we are to overcome. We know how all of these feel, and the lightness felt during authentic expression will always be a welcome pointer for me.

Looking back must be done with the same lightness while each action must be taken with curious attention. Humans are lucky to have been given the ability to do both, or many of these things, seemingly at once. The ability to transition between those states may be the most useful skill we don’t talk about.

This doesn't mean we have to assign cosmic importance to everything. Sometimes you're just going for a walk to clear your head. That's enough of a reason. Our efforts need assignment in their area of expertise. Just as we choose what skills are best for task, the mode of response must follow the circumstance. Overthinking has its place as much as a gut feeling does. It's less about which tool is best, but with which and where to place our swing. Sometimes it just takes asking yourself a few simple questions...

What tool is right for this job?

Where is my compass pointing today?

What portion of my being is active right now?

Everything takes training, this does too. Give it a try, and let me know how it's going for you.